Stranded in a car
by Troublemaker-In-Chief
Summary: Seven contestants of a reality show are locked in a car together. Whoever can last the longest without leaving the car wins the 1 Million Galleon prize. Will they be able to stand the hunger and boredom? Will Percy drive them all crazy? Who will win?


_Disclaimer: I got the idea for this story from that skit they used to do on the Amanda Show on Nickelodeon years ago, back in the 90's. I don't own Harry Potter, obviously, or the Amanda Show._

* * *

**Voice-over guy: "_This is a 1971 Luxury Convertible. We locked seven strange people in this car, stranded in the middle of a parking lot in downtown London. These strange people are: Augusta Longbottom, Gregory Goyle, Percy Weasley, Gilderoy Lockhart, Zacharias Smith, Ernie Macmillan and Draco Malfoy. You leave the car, you lose. The prize goes to the last person remaining in the car. The prize is 1 Million Galleons. Now, let's see how long these strange people can stand each other in a locked car...stranded._**

**Day 1"**

"Hello, fellow contestants. My name is Percy Weasley. " Percy said with a smile, sitting in the driver's seat. "Since we're all in this together, I would like to bid you all good luck, and may the best witch or wizard win..

"I'm Augusta Longbottom, nice to meet you, sonny. I know your father from the Ministry." Augusta Longbottom said from the passenger seat.

"I'm Ernie Macmillan." Ernie announced pompously.

_"_As you probably already guessed, I am Gilderoy Lockhart, _Order of Merlin_, _Third Class_, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five time winner of_ Witch Weekly_'s Most Charming Smile Award." Lockhart said pompously from the backseat.

"Smith. Zacharias Smith." Zacharias said stiffly as he sat next to Lockhart.

"Draco Malfoy." Draco said from the hood of the car.

Everyone looked at Goyle who was digging lint out of his bellybutton. A river of drool ran down his chin.

"Oi, Goyle!" Draco smacked his head. "Introduce yourself."

"Uh, I'm...who am I?" Goyle asked Draco, who sighed and shook his head.

"Don't worry what _his_ name is." Draco pointed at Goyle. "He'll probably be the first to drop out of the competition."

"How do _you_ know?" Zacharias narrowed his eyes.

"Watch this." Draco smirked. He turned to Goyle and said, "Goyle, get out of the car."

"But...isn't that against the rules?" Goyle scratched his head.

"I _said_ get out of the car." Draco commanded.

"Okay." Goyle got out of the car.

An alarm blared, a swarm of Security Wizards ran over to escort Goyle out of the parking lot.

"One down." Augusta smiled.

**Voice-over guy: _"With Gregory Goyle gone, only six participants remain._**

**_Day 2"_  
**

"-as I was saying to Mr. Crouch, the sturdiness and dependability of cauldrons should surely be a top priority of the Ministry. The percentage of cauldron leaks has been steadily rising at a 3% rate over the past forty years, and I must say that is a definite worry for the Ministry -" Percy was saying to Augusta Longbottom, who seemed to have fallen into a stupor.

"I'm hungry." Zacharias snapped irritably, changing the subject.

"We're all hungry, Zacharias. But you must keep a positive mind if you want to-" Percy started to say.

"Oh shut up, Weasley. I highly doubt that _you're_ very hungry." Draco said. "You're probably very used to hunger; your family can't even afford food - OUCH!"

Augusta had whipped Draco's ankles with her cane.

"Watch that attitude, sonny." Augusta said.

Draco narrowed his eyes and rubbed his ankles.

"Lockhart, what on earth are you doing?" Percy cried as Lockhart climbed out of his seat and leaned across Percy to look at himself in the side mirror. He winked at his reflection, snarled playfully and clawed at the air, imitating a cheetah.

"Oh, just practicing my cheetah imitation for a photo shoot I'm doing next month for _Witch Weekly_." Gilderoy grinned toothily. "I wasn't going to do the photo shoot, but Mertha Meglin, the editor of Witch Weekly, came to my house (it's more of a mansion, but that's not the point) and simply _begged_ me to do the shoot, so I agreed. Mertha relies on me, bless her heart."

"I don't know why any of you are even bothering with this competition." Draco drawled. "_I'm _going to win."

"What makes you so sure?" Zacharias asked snootily.

"My father has a lot of connections at the Ministry, and he just recently donated enough money for St. Mungo's to make a new children's wing." Draco said smugly. "My father has a heart of gold."

"Wallet of gold." Ernie corrected.

"Either way, Macmillan, I have this in the bag." Draco said.

"So, are you admitting to bribery?" Ernie asked.

"What if I am?" Draco challenged.

"Well, this _is_ a television show, and it _is_ on national television." Ernie said. "And right now, there are millions of viewers watching this. Your father can bribe the producers of this show, but he can't bribe the millions of viewers who will notice if you cheat."

Draco's smug grin was wiped off his face.

**Voice-over guy: _"Day 3"_**

"As I was saying to Mr. Crouch, the thinness of cauldron bottoms is truly an issue. I _do_ hope that report on cauldron leaks was submitted to the Daily Prophet. I hope Mr. Crouch is getting by without me. He _is_ a strong, independent man but he is so busy and has such a full schedule, I hope he's managing to get all of his memos sorted out in time for the big meeting next Wednesday. He truly is a busy man, Mr. Crouch. Such an admirable, law-abiding man. I wonder if he managed to get that report on the size of potion vials -"

"Weasley, if you keep talking about Mr. Crouch, I'm going to hunt him down, chop him up, douse him in Ranch Dressing, and feed him to a Hungarian Horntail." Draco said. "That's a promise."

**Voice-over guy: _"Day 4"_**

"As Mr. Crouch was telling me, the experimentation of bewitching muggle objects is a horrendous crime that needs to stop immediately. Also, flying carpets were banned in Britain so long ago, it is a disgrace that certain people feel that they're above the law and can go about doing whatever they want. Mr. Crouch strongly feels that people like this need to be severely punished, there is just no room for rule breakers in today's society. Mr. Crouch also feels that -"

"For Christ's sake, Weasley, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

**Voice-over guy:_ "Day 5"_**

"Mr. Crouch feels that the Ministry really needs to start coming down on all these reckless people who leave their wands lying about in public places. It risks the exposure of our kind and really, we don't need muggles running around trying to do magic. Mr. Crouch feels that is causes more problems for the Ministry than we have time to deal with. Mr. Crouch also feels -"

"I can't take it, I can't do this anymore. I just can't." Draco opened the door and climbed out of the car, throwing up his hands as a sign of surrender as the Security Wizards ran over and escorted him from the parking lot.

"Another one gone." Ernie said.

**Voice-over guy: _"With Draco Malfoy gone, only five participants remain._**

**Day 6"**

"I'm so hungry!" Zacharias complained loudly. "This whole competition is stupid, why do we have to sit in a car for days and days? I hate this contest, but I just really want that money. And I'm _so_ hungry, I don't want to sit in here any longer, my leg is cramping. Why do you lot seem so calm? You're all _way_ too okay with sitting in a car for six days. _I _deserve the money. _I'm_ the one who's suffering here, you all seem to be enjoying this -"

"I generally dislike the use of swearing," Ernie said. "but you, sir, are a dick!"

**Voice-over guy: "_Day 7_"  
**

"Did you know I also won _Most Charming Voice Award_ for _Witch Weekly_ a few years back? Yes, they voted that I have the most charming voice. They wanted to nominate me for the award this year, too, but I declined because I want to give other people a chance to win." Gilderoy said smugly. "And a few months ago I was given _Best Eyebrows Award_ for **-**" Lockhart was telling no one in particular.

"Mr. Crouch feels that the cauldron bottom thickness issue is also connected to the recent reports of underage magic in the Philippines, they might have some link connecting the two problems. He feels that the Philippine Ministry needs to crack down on the underage magic issue. He also feels that -" Percy was telling Augusta who was bashing her head off the dashboard.

"I've had enough. Fuck this shit." Zacharias got out of his seat and left the car. The Security Wizards grabbed him and escorted him from the parking lot.

**Voice-over guy: _"With Zacharias "Dickhead' Smith gone, only four participants remain_**_._

_**They're hungry, they're tired. And now on Day 8, it is time for the participants to vote one of their own out of the car."**_

Ernie Macmillan held up a sign that said: _PERCY_

Augusta Longbottom held up a sign that said: _PERCY_

Percy Weasley held up a sign that said: _MR. CROUCH FEELS THAT CAULDRON THICKNESS SHOULD BE A TOP PRIORITY OF THE MINISTRY._

The Security Wizards came and removed Percy from the car.

Ernie and Augusta high-fived.

**Voice-over guy: "_Day 9_**

**_2 people remain. Augusta Longbottom and Ernie Macmillan."_  
**

Augusta was half asleep, lying her head against the window. Ernie was so tired he was actually _slouching _in his seat.

"The prize money...its in the trunk, isn't it?" Ernie asked.

"Correct." Augusta answered.

"And the keys to the car...they're right there in the ignition." Ernie pointed out.

They exchanged significant looks.

"You thinking Vegas?" Augusta grinned.

"Hit it, Augusta!" Ernie yelled as she started the car and turned on the radio.

**Voice-over guy: "Hey...what are you doing?"**

Augusta backed out of the parking space as Ernie turned the radio to a rap station. He cranked up the volume and started bobbing his head to the music.

**Voice-over guy: "What are you doing? You can't do that! Come back here!"**

"Step on it!" Ernie said.

Augusta floored the gas pedal and zoomed out of the parking lot as Ernie whooped and yelled, "WE GOT THE MONEY!"

**Voice-over guy: "Shit, we probably should have taken the keys out of the ignition."**


End file.
